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Commentary:
"Amazon should definitely introduce a 'drunk-shopping detector' to save us from regrettable purchases made under the influence. Because let's face it, no one needs a life-size inflatable unicorn at 3 am after a few too many drinks!"

Amazon, breathalyzer, checkout, drunk, feature, humor, needs, order, shopping

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

1 month ago
able, adulthood, being, breakfast, choices, cooky, doing, eat, eating, humor, irony, responsibility
Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

1 month ago
deactivation, detox, digital, digital detox, fix, humor, Instagram, life, media, nothing, social, social media
Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

5 months ago
adulthood, bourbon, comfort, couch, drink, homebody, humor, maturing, relaxation
Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

1 month ago
anthropomorphism, dinner, event, food, food waste, gala, grow, humor, i, satire, shrimp, want, waste
You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

4 months ago
bad, bad guy, comedian, double, double standard, free, good, guy, hear, humor, i, money, offensive, pay, say, something, standard
Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

1 month ago
avoidance, comedy, disinterest, ever, humor, math, me, moved, please, reluctance, speak, wordplay

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

I’m not humiliating myself here for 3 likes. 10 maybe but not 3.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Men with bibles names be the worst type of people.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Is ice cream for dinner a thing, because ice cream for dinner should be be a thing.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

Live now on Snapchat:

The reason most of us stay up late is because we don’t want our free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The season is back when women are 80% scarf.

Trending via Discord:

Eating trail mix should count as hiking.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Going viral on Threads:

The greatest trick ever was making people feel more connected, when they are actually more alone than ever.

Spotted on Discord:

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

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Activity Log ✨

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

I avoid those club cameras like my life depends on it.

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I hate liars, but what I hate more is when they think I’m an idiot and won’t find out the truth.

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Perfume is designed to be an invisible accessory. It’s not designed to instantly kill the canary when you entered the room.

Not to be dramatic, but when I accidentally save a file twice and it adds that (1) at the end, it is the worst moment of my life.

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Not only is Santa not real, there are also no horny singles in your area wanting to meet you.

I don’t call them exes, I call them whys.

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

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Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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