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Napping: my second favorite thing to do in bed! 😴😂
Author Archives: slickboy
The female ability to be able to guess exactly which girl it is out of his 740 following.
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When women develop radar as a superpower instead of flying! 🕵️♀️✨📡
Unfortunately, when you don’t burden people with your problems, they assume you don’t have any. Lol.
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When you’re the master of the "I got this" illusion but secretly starring in a soap opera 🍿🤦♂️😂
Cataclysmic events, such as your fingers on my skin.
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Sounds like a natural disaster I'd like to experience! 🌀❤️🔥
No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.
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I'm just here to dazzle you with my eyes while I casually mention that I can recite the entire periodic table backwards. 🤓👀🔍
I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.
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Sounds like the secret to a spotless home is pretending you're always expecting surprise guests! 🧹🏃♂️🙈
They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.
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Brain version 2.0: Now with 70% less stress-inducing whispers! 🤖🧠✨
Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.
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When your shopping cart has more commitment issues than your ex! 📦😂📦
Lack of sex really gets you mad at every little thing for no reason.
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When you're arguing with your toaster because it dared to burn your toast… 🍞🔥😡
Dissecting an alien and getting bitterly jealous at their crazy organs.
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Feeling green with envy over that Martian's six-pack liver! 👽🛸😂