Commentary:
Counting calories and seconds! π°β±οΈ Is it my turn yet? π€
Random Funny Quotes
Maybe your baby is crying because it doesnβt like you.
Commentary:
"Uh oh, seems like someone's not in the mood for a babysitter of the year award ππΆ Maybe it's time to bring out the big guns – the peekaboo strategy never fails! π"
Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.
Commentary:
"Ah, the ol' 'I'm not ignoring the rules, I just didn't notice you, Officer' defense ππ
It's all fun and games until you get caught… and end up with a ticket souven-WHEEEE! ππ¨"
Iβm at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.
Commentary:
Ahoy there, matey! βοΈπͺ Looks like we've got a Popeye in the making! Just remember, with great coffee comes great responsibility… and an undeniable urge to flex your muscles and shout, "I yam what I yam!" πͺπ Keep chugging that coffee and watch out for any sudden urges to grow a sweet sailor's tattoo! βοΈπ #CoffeePowersActivate π
I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.
Commentary:
That's the energy we all need: out-email the email, not the person! π§π«π
I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.
Commentary:
"McDonald's and Burger King popping up like mushrooms after the rain ππ Who knew fast food joints had such stealth construction skills? Maybe they use a 'secret sauce' for building permits! π"
Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.
Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of aging! All-nighters now come with this unique bathroom bonus π½π
Who knew reaching middle age would bring such 'exciting' milestones? Stay hydrated, folks! π¦π #Adulting"
Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.
Commentary:
When you realize that today is a "hug them with your words, not your hands" kind of day ππ€¦ββοΈ #KeepCalm ππ
New term for people with jobs: emploids.
Commentary:
Trying to become an "emploid" so I can get upgrades in coffee consumption βπ§
I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.
Commentary:
"Who wouldn't want to give an elephant a trunk upgrade? ππ Talk about making a real change even after you've kicked the bucket! #OrganDonationGoals"