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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

I hope your spoon slides into your soup.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Sure I collect antiques, if you count the late-century spices in my pantry.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,742

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.

Just landed via YouTube:

I think every app should, by law, let you deactivate all of its short-form video content.

Just landed via Threads:

Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

Trending via Discord:

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Just landed via Discord:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Sharing wired earphones is a forgotten form of intimacy.

Breaking via Snapchat:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

Going viral on Reddit:

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

Just landed via Messenger:

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

5 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about cats ignoring everything with a playful, nonchalant attitude.

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Commentary:
"When you tell your cat a secret and they silently judge you instead of offering advice. 🐱🙀💬"

attitude, care, cat, cats, everything, hear, hearing, humor, indifference, just, pet

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18 shares on WeChat this month:

My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

68 shares on TikTok this month:

Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

The only Spanish I know is buenas noches, which means bonus nachos – like finding forgotten tortilla chips in your cargo shorts.

46 shares on Reddit this month:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Hey (with the intention of getting ice cream).

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

Spotted on Discord:

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

Going viral on Reddit:

Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?

Seen just now on Reddit:

Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Live now on Pinterest:

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Leaving out milk and cookies for Santa is literally making an offering to a deity.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time I truly felt free.

Just shared via Telegram:

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

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Activity Log ✨

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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