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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

The urge to buy people gifts they’ve mentioned they liked once.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Stay up till 4 a.m. one night, and your sleep schedule is ruined for the next 4 years.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

She was rare. Like a meth head with good teeth.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Excuse me, can you direct me to the nonsense?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Man, these end times are taking forever.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I keep checking my phone like I mean something to somebody. Silly me.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,321

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Going viral on YouTube:

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

It really annoys me when people use the wrong word and don’t have the humidity to admit it.

Spotted on Instagram:

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Spotted on Reddit:

I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying.

Making waves on YouTube:

I love when dudes are named Guy. Like, yeah. Exactly.

Spotted on Telegram:

Oh great, you brought your ancient ancestors with you.

Shared recently on Facebook:

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When you tell your cat a secret and they silently judge you instead of offering advice. 🐱🙀💬"

attitude, care, cat, cats, everything, hear, hearing, humor, indifference, just, pet

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics? My watch just congratulated me for standing up.

0

2 months ago

achievement, congratulation, humor, just, me, medal, oh, Olympics, sarcasm, standing, watch
My toxic trait is optimism.

0

2 months ago

humor, optimism, personality, personality trait, sarcasm, toxic, toxic trait, trait
My superpower is embarrassing myself.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, embarrassing, humor, myself, personality, self-deprecation, superpower
Imagine if social media closed every day at 6pm like a shop.

0

2 months ago

activity, closed, closure, day, every, hours, humor, imagine, media, shop, social, social media
I hope this email punches you square in the face.

0

2 months ago

communication, email, face, hope, humor, i, punch, sarcasm, square, workplace
I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

0

2 months ago

ask, confidence, ever, give, good, humor, i, jokes, me, needs, nobody, nude, nudes, photography, relationships, second, self-esteem

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m actually really fun once you get to know me (takes 3-4 years).

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but also a little grumpy.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

What if you went to ET’s planet and all of the other ET’s were wearing clothes?

28 shares on Facebook this month:

This entire year has been the Nightmare Before Christmas.

73 shares on Discord this month:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

95 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

66 shares on Snapchat this month:

Behind every great tweet is a person rolling their eyes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk calmly to the lock. We all know that communication is the key.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Your pronouns are “side/chick”.

Shared recently on Slack:

When my cat gets in trouble I call him by his full name, Catthew.

Just shared via Slack:

I need the youth to start reading. Even if it’s the tag on your underwear. Read it.

Broadcasted on Discord:

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

Going viral on Instagram:

What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched my mixed signals.

Freshly posted on X:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Breaking via Messenger:

Maybe, deep in its code, ChatGPT dreams of being a sentient Game Boy resting by the shore—no updates, no inputs, just the tide.

Shared recently on Reddit:

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

Trending via Instagram:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics? My watch just congratulated me for standing up.

My toxic trait is optimism.

My superpower is embarrassing myself.

Imagine if social media closed every day at 6pm like a shop.

I hope this email punches you square in the face.

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨