Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Fishing for compliments like “I’m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is me”.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

They call it a coffin because they’re finally coughing up that inheritance.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Things went well until the evil supermarket people hid my favorite products in new places.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Book reviews be like: “5 stars. I’m sobbing. I’m unwell. I haven’t eaten in 16 hours. Highly recommend.”

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,250

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Freshly posted on X:

I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

Seen just now on Telegram:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Spotted on WeChat:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Breaking via Threads:

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

Going viral on WeChat:

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like Coke is my inner caveman's choice, but Sprite makes me feel like I'm solar-powered! 🌞🦖🔋

ancestral, ancestral petroleum, ancient, beautiful, being, beverage, big, coke, comparison, energy, energy grid, funny comparison, grid, humor, petroleum, soda, Sprite, taste, while

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

0

3 months ago

AI, before, birth, born, dead, death, dystopia, future, glad, got, humanity, humor, i, internet, life, technology, time
My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

0

2 months ago

barks, communication, dog, human, humor, i, intelligence, me, pet, smarter, understand, understanding, words
Life is too short, and death is too long.

0

2 months ago

contemplation, death, existential, humor, irony, life, short, too
I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

0

2 months ago

communication, corporate, frustration, humor, i, meant, microsoft, software, Teams, technology, work
Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

0

3 months ago

clean, cog, core, machine, morning, night, productivity, self-care, sexy, shower, vibe, vibes
My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

0

2 months ago

ask, child, children, delegation, different, example, helpful, helpfulness, humor, i, parenting, something

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Girls only want one thing, and it’s to be photographed candidly on 35mm film.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

Born to be a hater, forced to understand your perspective.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

I eat posts like yours for breakfast.

48 shares on X this month:

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

91 shares on WeChat this month:

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

I miss being a kid. Nobody asks what my favorite dinosaur is anymore.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I am awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Who called it girl math and not galgebra?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Earth is hard.

Breaking via Pinterest:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Making waves on Reddit:

Going to the beach as a feet guy must be insane.

Trending via Discord:

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

Live now on Pinterest:

Have you tried complaining about it?

Going bananas on Facebook:

Jobs are so clingy. Why do you need to see me 40 hours a week?

Making waves on X:

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

Going viral on TikTok:

Girlhood is sitting down in a boiling hot shower instead of dealing with life.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Life is too short, and death is too long.

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨