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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

On a dare, my son sprayed deodorant in his mouth. Now he speaks with an Axe scent.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I was so excited thinking tomorrow was Friday only to find out it is definitely not Friday.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

I’m writing a fairytale about a printer that just works.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,443

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Reddit:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Trending via WhatsApp:

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

Trending via X:

Sorry for being so cringey and awkward. It will definitely happen again.

Spotted on Reddit:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

Spotted on Instagram:

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

Live now on Telegram:

Just saw onto the sidelines, they literally have enough footballs for all the players, they’re making them fight over that one for no reason.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.

Spotted on Threads:

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I will unfriend, uncousin, unco-worker, unfollow, unfamily any draining soul real quick.

Breaking via TikTok:

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

0
“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Move over, Caramel Latte, Dairy Queen is serving looks and ice cream! 🍦👑

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

82 shares on Threads this month:

I’ve never really had a beach body, but my snowman body is coming along quite nicely.

15 shares on Threads this month:

I love when certain people post their dating app convos, and you get to see what a conversation between two really boring people looks like.

24 shares on Discord this month:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

79 shares on Slack this month:

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t date coworkers. Being the hot coworker nobody at work has a chance with is always the best role to play.

95 shares on Threads this month:

When you’re a child, you want to be a teenager. When you’re a teenager, you want to be an adult. When you’re an adult, you want to be a cat.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sometimes our greatest achievement in life is being able to survive our own thoughts.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a red flag, but the material is quality.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever see me out in public, just know I don’t want to be there.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sorry for setting the impossible standards that the rest of you try to live up to.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s these screenshots I got.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

When I say I like when older men tell me what to do, I am talking about Yoda and his teachings.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s healthy to be a little insane sometimes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,711

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

God: “Free will was a bad idea. I should have charged for it.”

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

When your stomach is really mad at you, and you’re not sure which one of your 13 unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

So grateful for pillows. My head works hard, it deserves its own bed.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Welcome to Twitter: yeah, none of us can sleep either.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

Live now on Pinterest:

If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

Seen just now on Discord:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

Just landed via Slack:

Be yourself cause no one wants to be like you!

Live now on X:

One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.

Breaking via Facebook:

Light is faster than sound. That’s why people seem so bright until you hear them talk.

Just landed via Messenger:

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

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