Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Are you gonna confess your undying love for me or what, bro?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

No matter how busy my Sunday gets, I always manage to set aside time to panic about Monday.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

After I get irritated, it takes me about 2 hours to fix my face.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Any room can be a rage room if you just give me a minute.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I’m addicted to following the rules I made up. And also breaking the rules I made up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,662

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Nudes are played out. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Making waves on Slack:

Messages are way funnier when you know how that person talks.

Going viral on TikTok:

Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

Going viral on Discord:

I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.

Just shared via Slack:

I remember sex. That was cool.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Summer is the time when it’s too hot to do what it was too cold to do in winter.

Breaking via Slack:

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew speed cameras could spark a new diet trend? 🚗💨 Intermittent fasting…for drivers on the go! #NeedForSpeed"

camera, diet, driving, fasting, humor, intermittent, intermittent fasting, joke, speed, speed camera, traffic

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

0

2 months ago

communication, frustration, humor, people, relationship, sex, withholding, working
It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

0

2 months ago

experience, funny experience, heat, hot, hot weather, humor, hydroplaning, i, just, office, office humor, seat, toilet, weather, work
Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

0

2 months ago

behavior, early, flight, going, humor, irony, late, late night, mood, naturally, night, night owl, owl, procrastination, room, schedule, self-deprecating, sleep, sleep schedule, stay, tomorrow, tonight, weird, weird behavior
I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

0

2 months ago

everyone, funny observation, headless, hold, humor, i, joke, low, observation, playful, rain, umbrella, weather, weather joke
I don’t have time for anything that doesn’t set my soul on fire.

0

2 months ago

anything, enthusiasm, fire, i, joy, motivation, passion, purpose, set, soul, time
Is there a bravery award I can nominate my son for as he managed to eat his toast despite the fact I cut it wrong.

0

2 months ago

achievement, award, bravery, cut, eat, fact, food, humor, i, parenting, son, struggle, toast

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Threads this month:

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

Reincarnation, in this economy?

79 shares on Twitch this month:

The evening news: Where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

No, babe, your 10-minute incremental alarms starting a full hour before you actually get up only make me love you more.

50 shares on TikTok this month:

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

The French only eat snails because they don’t like fast food.

45 shares on Discord this month:

I’m always a little mean to men because, if you treat them like humans, they think you wanna sleep with them.

14 shares on WeChat this month:

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Money enters like Beyoncé and exits like Britney.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

Just landed via Facebook:

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

Spotted on TikTok:

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

Just shared via Twitch:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

Shared recently on TikTok:

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

Just shared via Messenger:

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

Going viral on TikTok:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

Just shared via YouTube:

Maximizing rent value by turning ‘homebody’ into an Olympic sport!

Making waves on Snapchat:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

I don’t have time for anything that doesn’t set my soul on fire.

Is there a bravery award I can nominate my son for as he managed to eat his toast despite the fact I cut it wrong.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨