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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

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Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Being a sleepy girl with a busy life is so hard.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

805 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,967

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,967

Updated

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Users Online

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Making waves on YouTube:

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

Spreading quickly via X:

“Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.

Reported on Discord:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Reported on WeChat:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Being strange is exhausting.

Going viral on Messenger:

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

Seen just now on Slack:

I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew speed cameras could spark a new diet trend? 🚗💨 Intermittent fasting…for drivers on the go! #NeedForSpeed"

camera, diet, driving, fasting, humor, intermittent, intermittent fasting, joke, speed, speed camera, traffic

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share → : It must be hard having an erectile dysfunction.
3 months ago
Share → : I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.
6 months ago
Share → : I am thick and tired.
4 months ago
Share → : If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.
6 months ago
Share → : I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.
6 months ago
Share → : Normalize asking if this is an intervention whenever someone invites you over.
6 months ago
Share → : Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting a hug for Christmas.
6 months ago
Share → : There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing beside you right now and you’d have no idea.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

It’s not the destination that matters. It’s the snacks you eat on the way.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Life is so dull when you don’t have someone to flirt with.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

In a relationship with my heated car seat.

Seen just now on Slack:

Mornings would be fine if they started later.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.

Breaking via Threads:

Wolves should really raise more people.

Going viral on Instagram:

Welcome to your 50s: You’re not attracted to anyone who likes you.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Going viral on Telegram:

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

Going viral on Facebook:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body. Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.

No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

I’m sick of blessings in disguise. I am ready for a blessing with absolutely no disguise whatsoever.

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

My card declined at Subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me.

I was talking to someone and combined “all good” and “no worries” by saying “all worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

Italy stands for I Truly Always Love You.

A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.

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Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

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