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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

All I know for sure is that I could be wrong.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

If you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Telling my guitar to “stay tuned”.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,722

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

Shared recently on Twitch:

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Tweeting shouldn’t cost money but it should flip you on your back like a bug for 15 minutes.

Shared recently on X:

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Just landed via Telegram:

It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

Just shared via WeChat:

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

Trending via TikTok:

The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

Just landed via Twitch:

Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

Making waves on Messenger:

I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about family dynamics, featuring a dad’s humorous disappointment and playful vibe.

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Commentary:
I guess my dad's still trying to find the receipt for the 'me' package 🤷‍♂️😂

dad, every, family, humor, i, mom, parent, reaction, refund, relationship, sarcasm, something, stares, stupid, time, wants

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16 shares on Pinterest this month:

Spotify Wrapped, but for all your bad decisions this year.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

91 shares on YouTube this month:

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

44 shares on YouTube this month:

Being alive and sentient has been the worst thing to have ever happened to me.

13 shares on Threads this month:

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

60 shares on Telegram this month:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

I love the smell of freshly brewed delusions in the morning.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

Many people love saying, “Get these away from me,” after eating a few chips.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

Shared recently on YouTube:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Shared recently on TikTok:

I personally feel like I have what it takes to become a fossil.

Live now on Threads:

Jesus died for your sins. If you don’t sin then he died for nothing!

Making waves on Pinterest:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

Making waves on TikTok:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

Going viral on Messenger:

Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

Nosferatu implies the existence of a Yesferatu.

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

I can still drop it like it’s hot. It’s just a lot harder to pick it back up.

Acceptance truly begins when you ask Alexa to play classic rock and she plays a song that came out when you were in high school.

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Nosferatu implies the existence of a Yesferatu.

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

Commenting “Obviously AI” on pictures of happy couples.

I can still drop it like it’s hot. It’s just a lot harder to pick it back up.

Acceptance truly begins when you ask Alexa to play classic rock and she plays a song that came out when you were in high school.

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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