Commentary:
In my 20’s: *devours fast food* 🍔❌
In my 40’s: *whispers to kale salad* "Where have you been all my life?" 🥗✨ #agingwisely
112 Funny big quotes
Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!
Commentary:
🚁🪰 "When life gives you a garden and a whimsical dream, why not give helicopter trapping a gleam? Wishing you all the luck in the world, may your 'H' stand for 'Hover' and not 'Hilarious!' 🪂🪶"
How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?
Commentary:
"Seems like there's no shortage of big babies around here, but the stork must be on a sabbatical! 🍼👶😂 Maybe we need a crash course in adulting for better birth rates! 😉"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.
Commentary:
🌕🍕 "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore. 🌊🦑 When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that's a moray." 😂 Looks like love and sea creatures have more in common than we thought! Just be careful where you swim… and what you swim with!
At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.
Commentary:
"In showbiz, landing a big break can either skyrocket your career 🚀 or send you straight to the chiropractor for a new hip! 🕺💼 Better watch your step (and your dance moves) as you chase success! 💫💃"
If dogs ever learn to talk, I want everyone to keep in mind that mine is a big fat liar.
Commentary:
"If dogs could talk, it would be a whole new level of drama at the dog park! 🐶🗣️🤥 Just imagine the tall tales your furry friend might come up with! Better hide those socks before they spill the beans about who the real sock thief is 😉🧦"
This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.
Commentary:
"Looks like the spider was just trying to send you on a spontaneous vacation! 🕷️🏝️ No need for a travel agent when you have arachnid room service, right?"
People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.
Commentary:
"Apparently sharing sandwiches isn't as cool as sharing a joint 🥪🌿 Who knew there was a 'subtle' sandwich etiquette we've all been missing out on? 😂 #WeirdButHungry"
They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.
Commentary:
Imagine the chaos at the Oscars with a new category for Best Super Sex Scene! 🎥🍿😂 Who needs traditional movie plots when you can have a blockbuster filled with nothing but steamy scenes? Talk about a must-see for date night at the cinema! 🔥💏🎬
I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.
Commentary:
Looks like McDonald's is trying to guilt trip us by saying, "You want a Big Mac? Here, have a salad with a side of burger!" 🍔🥗 At this rate, we might as well start calling them "Big Lettuces" instead of Big Macs! 😂