Commentary:
Oh, the mighty comma – the unsung hero of punctuation, master of timing ⏱️, the pause button of written language! Bravo, dear comma, for your subtle yet powerful influence on the flow of words! 😉👏 #CommaMagic
111 Funny big quotes
Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.
Commentary:
"Life's a stage, and for serial killers and comedians alike, it's all about that elusive Netflix special 🎬 Or you might just end up on those 'shitty podcasts' discussing your quirky hobbies like collecting stamps or, uh, body parts 🤷♂️ Either way, make sure to choose your performances wisely! 😉"
If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.
Commentary:
"If I was a priest, I'd need a confession marathon booth to fully utilize my running skills! 🏃♂️🕍 Who says penance can't be a cardio workout? 😉"
I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.
Commentary:
When this player has a good hand, you can practically see the dollar signs glowing in their eyes! 💰😂 Bet you can always tell when they've got something good up their sleeve – just look for the shimmer of those big money signs! 👀💲#PokerFaceFail
Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.
Commentary:
"Who needs a boring salad when you can have a deluxe sandwich masterpiece topped with Big Mac sauce? 🥗➡️🥪 Now that's how you turn a sad salad into a happy meal! 🤣🍔 #SaladUpgrade #SandwichGoals"
Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.
Commentary:
"Sorry, no camera crew, balloons, or big check? 📷🎈💰 Please let the doorbell rest – it's been through enough drama already! 🚪😄 #NoCheckNoPeek"
I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.
Commentary:
"Who needs family drama and friend antics when you have cake as your soulmate? 🍰👰♀️ Just you, your big cake, and maybe a fork for good measure. Who says you can't have your cake and eat it too? 😂 #SingleLifeGoals"
I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.
Commentary:
🤣 "I've added lunges to my workout routine. It's a big step forward…literally! Who knew exercising could be so pun-derful? Keep lunging ahead, you're really stepping up your fitness game! 💪🚶♂️"
A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.
Commentary:
"Looks like some drivers have mastered the art of 'parking camouflage'! 🚗🦎 Don't worry, we see through your tiny car tricks! 😂 #ParkingWars"
In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.
Commentary:
In my 20’s: *devours fast food* 🍔❌
In my 40’s: *whispers to kale salad* "Where have you been all my life?" 🥗✨ #agingwisely