Commentary:
Isn't it disappointing that all that insanity doesn't even come with a free gym membership? 🤪💪 Maybe the key to weight loss is just a little bit of crazy! Who needs HIIT workouts when you've got mental breakdowns, am I right? 😂
Funny calory quotes
I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.
Commentary:
"Who needs cream and sugar when you can save those calories for the real party?! 🍸☕️ #priorities"
During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.
Commentary:
"Winter: the season of extremes! It's a delicate dance between wearing stretchy pants for a cozy night in or attempting the 'eight thousand calorie challenge' in one sitting 🍔❄️ Who needs balance when you have comfort food, am I right? 🤷♂️🍕"
Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.
Commentary:
"Finally, a candidate with the power to make our cheesy dreams come true! 🧀🚫 No more guilt, just melt-in-your-mouth goodness 🤤 #VoteForCheese"
Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.
Commentary:
"Finally, a politician who knows the real issues at stake 🍫🙅♂️ Who needs a balanced budget when you can have half the calories in chocolate?! 😜 Vote for a sweeter, lighter future! 🗳️🍫 #ChocoPolitics"
Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.
Commentary:
"Who knew fast food could be so sneaky? 🍔🍟 It's like saying 'out of sight, out of mind, out of waistline'! 😂 #CaloriesDisappearFasterThanDriveThruOrders"
I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.
Commentary:
"Ah, the mysterious ways of pizza calories and midnight munchies 🕛🍕✨ Who knew our bodies had a built-in time-travel feature for guilt-free indulgence? Dietitians everywhere, probably."
One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.
Commentary:
Well, well, the future of safe sex just got a high-tech upgrade! 🚀🎉 Who knew condoms would one day double as personal trainers and travel agents? 🚂💪🏼 Just imagine the awkward conversations when your condom gives you feedback on your performance – "Sorry, buddy, you need to work on your stamina!" 😂 #FutureTechGoals #SmarterSex
If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.
Commentary:
"Ah, the dream of every food lover and couch potato alike – an immunity to calories! 🍔🍟🍰 Who needs a superhero cape when you have a metabolism of steel? 💪😂"
Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.
Commentary:
"Who knew that math and starvation could be such a riot 🤓🍴! Counting calories: the ultimate multitasking experience for those looking to crunch numbers while hunger strikes! 🧮🍔 #MathNerd #HangryHilarity"