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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I have absolutely no desire to stay in the loop.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Not commenting on your girl’s stuff is weird. I want my man barking in my comments.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

First World War. Kind of nervous.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

What a strange day. And it has been for years.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Nice tweets, bro. What medications are you on?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

My most boomer complaint is that nobody knows how to bring an item out of courtesy to parties anymore.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the job of 3-5 people.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

People out there having five-year plans, and here I am waking up just hoping I remember what day it is.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I will never stop being a quitter!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,864

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Just landed via Messenger:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

Spotted on Slack:

The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

Live now on Reddit:

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Trending via Reddit:

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a Sighclops.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Spotted on TikTok:

Labubu?! Sounds like a name picked mid-sneeze!

Spreading quickly via X:

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

Making waves on Instagram:

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

Home » Funny Couch Quotes » Page 6

55 Funny couch quotes

More funny couch quotes 👇

Sure, I could get off the couch today, but then what?

0

5 months ago

couch, humor, i, laziness, motivation, procrastination, sure, today
I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

0

5 months ago

always, bed, bed potato, chair, chair potato, couch, couch potato, humor, later, laziness, potato, relaxation, right
Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting!

0

5 months ago

adulting, cheers, choice, club, club scene, couch, cozy, cozy couch, crowded, growing, growing up, means, moments, nightlife, over, relaxation, scene
Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

0

5 months ago

adulthood, bourbon, comfort, couch, drink, homebody, humor, maturing, relaxation
It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

0

5 months ago

after, couch, humor, i, late, laziness, me, procrastination, relaxation, sat, tired, too, work

For even more funny couch quotes, hit next 👇

All funny couch quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Kids be like: “Nice bathroom mirror. It would be a shame if I spat toothpaste all over it.”

50 shares on YouTube this month:

Good luck sending me mixed signals. Most the time I can’t even understand the direct ones.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

Teens are like, “My homework isn’t done, but check out this presentation I made on why I need Instagram.”

22 shares on Slack this month:

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

36 shares on TikTok this month:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

57 shares on Discord this month:

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m already cold. I know me and my low iron ain’t gonna survive winter.

34 shares on X this month:

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

ChatGPT is down right now and if you listen closely, you can hear millions of content creators screaming.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network, and wondering why you’re tired all the time.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

I need a vaccine against overthinking.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’m so vulnerable to nostalgia. The sun will go down and I’ll be like: “Wow… remember when the sun was up… I miss who I was then”

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

Shared recently on Slack:

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

Breaking via Discord:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

55 Funny couch quotes

More funny couch quotes 👇

Sure, I could get off the couch today, but then what?

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting!

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

All funny couch quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨