Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

If you’re in first class on a flight, sometimes they upgrade you to captain.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,539

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

Breaking via Threads:

The only problem I have with chocolate is that one minute it’s there and the next it’s not.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I wish I loved anything as much as my two year old loves pulling my pants down.

Just shared via YouTube:

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

In the 90s, you could tell who won the rap battle by who was still alive.

Breaking via Discord:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

3 weeks ago

advice, best, confused, confusion, dating, dating advice, ever, humor, know, love, need, piece, relationship
There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

3 weeks ago

dating, first month, good, humor, love, man, month, months, nothing, person, personality, pretending, relationship, romance, still
What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched my mixed signals.

3 weeks ago

babe, communication, confusion, dating, humor, love, mixed, mixed signal, relationship, sarcasm, signal, signals, wrong
Unfortunately, I don’t give ugly men a chance, because they wouldn’t give me one if I were the ugly one.

3 weeks ago

chance, dating, fairness, give, humor, i, irony, man, me, men, ugly, ugly man, ugly woman, unfortunately, woman
I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

3 weeks ago

attraction, change, dating, funny observation, i, interest, interested, love, man, mood, mood change, move, observation, obsession, relationship, woman, women, wrong
Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

3 weeks ago

after, call, chicken, dating, digger, expectation, gold, gold digger, honey, humor, man, meal, men, pay, piece, stereotype, us, woman, yacht
I can’t flirt, but I’ll awkwardly giggle at everything you say.

3 weeks ago

awkward, conversation, dating, everything, flirt, giggle, humor, i, interaction, say, shy, social, social interaction
Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

3 weeks ago

dating, dream, dream girl, forever, girl, heartbreak, humor, love, man, men, perspective, relationship, ruin
Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

3 weeks ago

dating, humor, love, relationship, sarcasm, someone, stripper, Twitter
I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

3 weeks ago

dating, humor, i, life, life ruining, months, one-night, one-night stand, relationship, ruining, ruins, sarcasm, semi-toxic, semi-toxic relationship, stand, time, time-wasting, undefined, undefined relationship, wasting

For even more funny dating quotes, hit next 👇

All funny dating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Slack this month:

Why can’t men admit when they doze off? What’s wrong with them?

50 shares on WeChat this month:

The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

96 shares on X this month:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

94 shares on Discord this month:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My favorite pastime is looking for meaning where there is none.

63 shares on Reddit this month:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

10 shares on Discord this month:

Wolves should really raise more people.

52 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes I’ll do a random act of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Twitter is just a virtual mental hospital.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Teens are like, “My homework isn’t done, but check out this presentation I made on why I need Instagram.”

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Think that’s enough todaying for today.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

The answer is always no, I did not get enough sleep.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

“I made this with AI.” Yeah, we can tell.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

The most I’ve ever spent on a bottle of wine is about 45 minutes.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

Breaking via WeChat:

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

Just shared via Telegram:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Just shared via Reddit:

Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

Going bananas on YouTube:

There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

Freshly posted on X:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Trending via Pinterest:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I don’t remember if I was 43 or 44 before my birthday, so now I don’t know if I’m 44 or 45. That’s your 40’s.

Making waves on Facebook:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

Activity Log ✨

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

All funny dating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨