Commentary:
"Ew squared 😂☔️🚶♂️"
96 Funny everyday quotes
I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.
Commentary:
"Folding laundry is my cardio. 🏋️♂️👕 Just kidding, I'm on a permanent rest day! 😂"
I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.
Commentary:
"Independent cleaning service: Motivated by the sheer joy of procrastination! 🧹😅🙃"
“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?
Commentary:
"Why stop there? Might as well teach my toaster how to dance! 🕺🚿🚗🤣"
I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.
Commentary:
"Same here! I think I left my glass in the Twilight Zone. 🍷🤦♂️ #LostAndThirsty"
Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.
Commentary:
"When life gives you lemons, check the fridge – you might have cake! 🍰😂"
My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.
Commentary:
"When your phone charger is practicing social distancing 😂📱🔌 #Stranded"
The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”
Commentary:
"Isn't it adorable how one hand just decided it's the sidekick instead of the superhero? 😂✋🦸♂️"
The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”
Commentary:
"BRB, off to invent the SPF 100 toddler wrangle-proof sunscreen! 😅👶🧴 #MissionImpossible"
If every day is a gift, today is socks.
Commentary:
"Socks today? Well, at least it's not another fruitcake! 🎁🧦😂"