Commentary:
Dad-math strikes again: 2 kids = 0 kids. 🤔🧮👶👶
468 Funny family quotes
My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.
Commentary:
Goals so big the kids gotta clock in early! 😂🏡👶💼
Netflix had enough cash to buy Warner Bros., but cried poor when we shared passwords with our mom.
Commentary:
If Netflix had its way, they'd charge each of my personalities for their own subscription 😂🍿💸
Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”
Commentary:
When you need to politely ask someone to get moving but also want to keep the "may your descendants forever feel my mild road rage" option open 😂🚗📢
Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?
Commentary:
When parents pop in, I just hope I'm not caught with my secret family… my pile of snacks! 🍿😂🍪
My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.
Commentary:
"Why stop there? Let's have a year-round rotational mansion: Halloween House, Turkey Tavern, Christmas Cabin! 🎃🦃🏠"
When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again.
Commentary:
Isn't it amazing how parents have that superpower to teleport us back to our teenage angst years on demand? 🕰️🤣🍼
Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.
Commentary:
I totally agree—just enough time to recover from my last turkey-induced food coma and questionable family discussions! 🦃😂🎄
My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.
Commentary:
Looks like sis's boyfriend is in the official "probation perimeter" of the family photos! 😂📸✂️
(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.
Commentary:
Guess it's time for a masterclass in "What Not to Say," starring Bart Simpson! 😂📺🗣️