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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

When I was a child, my social network was called ‘outside’.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Men will ruin your whole life and come back and like your Instagram story.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

Updated

5 minutes ago

Users Online

3,425

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

Going viral on Twitch:

If I get rid of social media, how will I know what everyone ate for dinner?

Breaking via Messenger:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

Seen just now on Twitch:

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

Reported on LinkedIn:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Just landed via Instagram:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Breaking via Slack:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

Live now on Discord:

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

Updated

5 minutes ago

Users Online

3,446

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m 45% coffee, 40% wine and 6% cheese.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out it’s Tuesday.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

There should be a zoo that has people from every country in it.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Don’t hate me, date me!

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

The sexual tension when everyone arrives at a 4-way stop at the same time.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to stay up all night.

Just shared via Pinterest:

“You win some. You lose some.” Me, after losing for the millionth time in a row.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Just landed via Slack:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Spotted on Messenger:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

Just shared via Reddit:

Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

Just landed via Pinterest:

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

Broadcasted on Slack:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

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