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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,701

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Social media is mental suicide.

Just shared via Twitch:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Going viral on Threads:

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Making waves on Threads:

I may forget what I opened the fridge for but I remember every time anyone has ever wronged me.

Seen just now on Messenger:

If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

Trending via Facebook:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Shared recently on Discord:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Broadcasted on X:

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

143 Funny give quotes

More funny give quotes 👇

Chores give kids a sense of responsibility while teaching relevant life skills such as procrastination.

0

2 months ago

chores, education, give, humor, kids, life, life skills, parenting, procrastination, responsibility, sense, skills, teaching
I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

0

2 months ago

dinner, door, family, give, humor, i, independence, kids, McDonald’s, me, money, nostalgia, own, parenting, place, say, visits, wait
When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”

0

2 months ago

capable, directions, give, humor, know, me, miss, navigation, oh, people, self-deprecation
Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

0

2 months ago

advice, change, changing, Doc, doctor, give, health, humor, i, lifestyle, me, straight, straight talk, talk, wellness
Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

0

2 months ago

cost, expensive, give, going, humor, irony, just, me, plane, plane ticket, ride, ticket, transportation, travel
When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

0

2 months ago

ask, attitude, back, frustration, give, humor, lemons, life, perspective, questions
I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

0

2 months ago

ask, confidence, ever, give, good, humor, i, jokes, me, needs, nobody, nude, nudes, photography, relationships, second, self-esteem
I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

0

2 months ago

confidence, give, humor, i, me, people, realize, self-acceptance, shit
Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

0

2 months ago

alone, attention, communication, give, humor, just, leave, relationship, simplicity, women
Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

0

2 months ago

back, bed, dream, dreams, give, humor, motivation, procrastination, sleep

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New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on X this month:

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

Look, 80’s kids went from Inspector Gadget to Terminator so we have a lot of mixed feelings about technology.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

98 shares on Instagram this month:

My toxic trait is optimism.

29 shares on X this month:

December. A desperate celebration of an end.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

I have a bit of an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Nobody bools anymore. In high school, everyone was booling.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

I love it when God gives me money.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Do people exist who manage to wash, dry, fold, and put away their laundry in the same day?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

You know those couples who share their food? I mean, what kind of people are they? Aren’t they hungry?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

The French only eat snails because they don’t like fast food.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Live now on Facebook:

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to walk into a cafe looking confused.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Sharing wired earphones is a forgotten form of intimacy.

Spotted on X:

Somebody somewhere today don’t know it’s their last day with all 10 fingers.

Spotted on Telegram:

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

Just shared via Twitch:

Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Aside from cocaine, has anyone figured out what that little pocket on your jeans is for?

Shared recently on Telegram:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Activity Log ✨

143 Funny give quotes

More funny give quotes 👇

All funny give quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨