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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

OK, just so everybody’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

The morning routine that takes the longest: finding the will to live.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

If I ask “What’s your zodiac sign?” it’s either because we’re vibing or you’re getting on my nerves.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

Doing dry January, so I’ve had eleven Diet Cokes at this bar.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’m at the “buy bigger jeans” part of my Eat. Pray. Love. journey.

Making waves on Discord:

My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

Seen just now on Slack:

Instead of presents this year, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

Making waves on Messenger:

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

Going viral on Messenger:

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Another day of meaningless suffering. Let’s see what awaits us tomorrow.

Breaking via Threads:

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

Making waves on Slack:

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

Trending via WhatsApp:

“Tom Cruise does his own stunts!” Okay cool, but so do I.

149 Funny give quotes

More funny give quotes 👇

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

3 weeks ago

cost, expensive, give, going, humor, irony, just, me, plane, plane ticket, ride, ticket, transportation, travel
When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

3 weeks ago

ask, attitude, back, frustration, give, humor, lemons, life, perspective, questions
I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

3 weeks ago

ask, confidence, ever, give, good, humor, i, jokes, me, needs, nobody, nude, nudes, photography, relationships, second, self-esteem
I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

3 weeks ago

confidence, give, humor, i, me, people, realize, self-acceptance, shit
Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

3 weeks ago

alone, attention, communication, give, humor, just, leave, relationship, simplicity, women
Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

3 weeks ago

back, bed, dream, dreams, give, humor, motivation, procrastination, sleep
I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

3 weeks ago

dog, give, give up, humor, i, knows, loyalty, much, never, pet, pet humor, too, too much
Life can only give you lemons if you answer the door.

3 weeks ago

answer, challenges, choices, door, give, humor, lemons, life, perspective, positivity
If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

3 weeks ago

annoying, give, know, pretty, sure, think, time
I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

3 weeks ago

air, air conditioner, appreciation, award, conditioner, employee, give, humor, i, month, plaque, workplace

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Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Instagram this month:

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

39 shares on Slack this month:

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever watched the teams you hate be first-round exits?

26 shares on Twitch this month:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

36 shares on Threads this month:

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

17 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I have the body of a god. Sadly, it’s Buddha after brunch.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Sorry boys, but I’ve already got my eyes on a guy who’s not interested.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

If the universe is continuing to expand then why does my rent keep going up?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

Shared recently on TikTok:

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Going bananas on Reddit:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I mostly choose to stay silent in weird situations but my face has subtitles.

Spotted on YouTube:

I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.

Going viral on Discord:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

Activity Log ✨

149 Funny give quotes

More funny give quotes 👇

All funny give quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨