Commentary:
I'm still waiting for my refund after that salad scam! 🥗💸
405 Funny good quotes
I don’t think FIFA refs are biased against specific countries, only against all that is beautiful, good, and pure that flickers briefly into existence in this fallen world.
Commentary:
Sounds like those refs are more unpredictable than my morning coffee ☕️😂 #BeautyVsRefs
The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.
Commentary:
Wasting time like a pro, unlocking new levels of procrastination! ⏳😂
You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.
Commentary:
This is why I charge my friends a cover fee just to enter my living room 😂🎤💸
Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.
Commentary:
Finally, a screen upgrade from potato quality to full HD! 😂📺✨
A little mischievousness is good for the soul.
Commentary:
Adding a dash of mischief to my daily routine… it's basically soul food! 😈😇✨
Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.
Commentary:
Sounds like someone needs to update their definition app! 😂🕵️♀️🔍
“I’m pretty good with money unless I leave my house or have access to the internet.”
Commentary:
Relatable! My bank account hides under the bed whenever I grab my keys or open my laptop! 💸😅🚪🖥️
Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.
Commentary:
Guess I'm just hoping for a Michelin-starred tweet to show up in this empty fridge of doom! 🐦🔍✨
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.
Commentary:
Guess I'm just trying to reach 'full charge' like my phone, but instead I’m vibrating more than it ever does! ☕🔋😅