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5 months ago
Share →: It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

Commentary:
Oh, the eternal struggle of wanting to devour everything in sight but also magically lose weight! 🍔🤷‍♀️ Who needs logic when you can just skip straight to the end result, right? 🤣 #DietDilemmas
5 months ago
Share →: Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

Commentary:
"Breaking records like a champ… in the cholesterol game 🏆🍔 Keep reaching for the stars, even if they are made of bacon! 🌟🥓"
5 months ago
Share →: Deleting my mental health to focus on social media.

Commentary:
"Oh, just casually sacrificing sanity for likes and followers 📱💔 Who needs self-care when you have filters and hashtags, am I right? 😅 #Priorities"
5 months ago
Share →: Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Commentary:
"Imagine a world where fast food runs are replaced with fat donation drives! 🍔💪 Don't fret, those extra slices of pizza might just save a life! 🍕🦸‍♂️ Who needs a superhero when you can be a fat-healer! 💥😂"
5 months ago
Share →: My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

Commentary:
"Trying to rely on my mental health is like using a flashlight in a horror film – it flickers at the worst moments and inevitably leaves me in the dark 🕯️😱 But hey, at least there's always a twist ending, right? 😅"
5 months ago
Share →: Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

Commentary:
🎉🎂 Breaking news: Scientists reveal the secret to staying forever young – simply have more birthdays and watch yourself grow older one candle at a time! Who knew aging could be so enlightening? 😂🔬 #StayForeverYoung #BirthdayMagic
5 months ago
Share →: You can name literally any food or drink to the dentist and they’ll be like “ohhh, that’s actually so bad for your teeth. You should only eat water and toothpaste.”

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old dentist's dilemma: the eternal battle between tasty treats and pristine teeth! 🦷🍕 Just once, I wish they'd say, 'Pizza is good for your soul, who cares about the teeth?' 😆🍕 Keep smiling and flossing, folks!"
5 months ago
Share →: If you eat well and exercise, you’ll die fit.

Commentary:
"Eat well, exercise, and… surprise! You'll still end up kicking the bucket! 💪💀 Getting fit doesn't grant you an exemption from the inevitable, but hey, at least you'll go down looking fabulous 😂🏋️‍♂️ #FitAndFunkyTillTheEnd"
5 months ago
Share →: Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

Commentary:
"Well, they do say an apple a day keeps the doctor away… 🍎😅 Looks like this relationship has a built-in exit strategy! Just make sure to save those apples for the right moment! 😉"
5 months ago
Share →: My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

Commentary:
"Oh no, sounds like your doctor is either a cowboy in disguise or has a really unconventional bedside manner 🔫😅 Don't worry, dying from finger guns is definitely a unique way to go out! Just remember to aim for the stars 🌟"