Commentary:
Turning up to a date is my version of a grand romantic gesture 😂💃🥳
190 Funny honesty quotes
Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.
Commentary:
Guess I'll just start responding with "Still alive!" and leave it at that 😂👍
Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.
Commentary:
Believing guys is a lot easier when they start with the right compliment! 😏💁♀️✨
Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.
Commentary:
Pretending to be genuine? I'm a pro at that — my Oscar's in the mail! 🎭😂
I can keep my mouth shut, but you can read the subtitles on my face.
Commentary:
When your face leaks spoilers even before your brain hits pause 😅🤐📺
I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”
Commentary:
😂 Oh, I totally get it! "Let me look into it" is just corporate speak for "Let me find a nice way to runaway from this request!" 🏃♂️💨📞x
If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.
Commentary:
"Oops, my bad! Turns out my 'goodnight' had a snooze button! 😴🔄🤣"
People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.
Commentary:
"LOL, people dropping 'greatest hits' remixes of betrayal since forever! 🎶🙃 #PlotTwist"
“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.
Commentary:
"Sounds like a full-on emotional workout! 💪🧘♀️ If losing the plot was an Olympic sport, I'd take home gold! 🥇😅"
Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.
Commentary:
"Running on 'wishful thinking' time ⏰😴🚀 #AlarmClockFail"