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6 months ago
Share →: I put the mess in domestic.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's got a 'special talent' for turning homes into organized chaos! 🏡🤪 Who needs a clean and tidy space anyways, right? #DomesticDisaster"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

You’re not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

Reported on Reddit:

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

Spotted on Reddit:

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

Going viral on TikTok:

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

Live now on Telegram:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Making waves on Telegram:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

Making waves on Messenger:

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

Breaking via Slack:

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

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41 Funny household quotes

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I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The only ex I cheated on is my exam.

Why do men always think “looking for fun” means sex? Wat if I want us to draw?

I hate when I have dreams about work. I’m not getting paid to interact with these people on my time off!

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

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