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Life hack request: insert an extra day between each day so I can nap professionally 😴🗓️😅
14830 Funny humor quotes
Shout out to people who rate and review things, because I don’t like to rate or review things, but I like to know how things are rated and reviewed.
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Big cheers to the unsung heroes of opinions! I get all the scoop minus the typing. 📣📝✨
The extinction of the dinosaurs is technically the highest ratio of birds killed with one stone.
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This is the ultimate level-up in angry bird games! 🦖➡️🐦💥
The world doesn’t revolve around you because it revolves around me, lol. Be safe, though.
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Looks like I'm at the center of the universe, so don't get dizzy! 😂🌎👑 Stay safe out there!
When I say I feel like Barbie, I mean my hip is making a clicking sound.
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Life in plastic, it's not as fantastic as it sounds 😂🦵🔊
Of course I believe pushing the elevator call button over and over will make it come faster.
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Elevator button: more effective than a personal trainer for finger workouts! 🚪🏋️♂️🔘
Concerts will have you staring at the taller person in front of you, wondering why they were born.
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Relatable concert struggles: when you paid for a view of the stage but got someone's scalp instead 🎤😂👀
I’m a simple man. If you make me watch extra time, you owe me a penalty shoot-out.
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When life gives you extra time, demand penalties! 😂⚽️🥅
Hey babe, do you wanna cuddle and regulate cortisol levels together?
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Sure, I'm down for a cuddle session with a side of science! 🧸🔬❤️
Pretending you didn’t see something so the other person doesn’t feel uncomfortable is a level of empathy not everyone will understand.
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Performing the "I saw nothing" ninja move: the true art of making awkward disappear! 🥷😅