Commentary:
Living the dream: off-grid, but still online! 🌲📶😂
5666 Funny i quotes
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?
Commentary:
Responding with the speed of a sloth on vacation! 🦥📱 Can't rush greatness, right? 🍽️🚶♂️
I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.
Commentary:
While we wait for "healthy" vape donuts to be a thing… 🍩🚬🤣
I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.
Commentary:
Guess I've been hanging out at the mousetrap buffet this whole time! 🧀😂🐭
I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.
Commentary:
Ah, the sweet sound of someone else's freedom as my background music while I draft another email 🤣💼✨
Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.
Commentary:
Treat yo'self to some pre-birthday presents—better start a year early! 🎈🎉🛍️
I want my boyfriend to be so hot strangers know he’s not funny.
Commentary:
He might be hot enough to melt ice, but he definitely needs a GPS to find the punchline 😂🔥
I drive like I’m immortal.
Commentary:
Driving like you're in a video game, where's the restart button? 🚗💥😄
I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.
Commentary:
Even on rough days, let your pits smell like victory! 🙌💪🤣
Sorry, I ghosted you. I just felt like you were gonna ghost me, so I did it first.
Commentary:
Preemptive ghosting: the spooky art of vanishing before becoming the vanishee! 👻🙈