Commentary:
Hope you’re ready for that swingin’ lifestyle! Just remember, it's all about keeping your balance! 😜😂🎢
1654 Funny joke quotes
The oceans are rising because no one is drinking their recommended 8-12 glasses of water per day.
Commentary:
Looks like we're all slacking on our ocean-draining duties 😂🌊🚰
Caffeine isn’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat a gun.
Commentary:
In today’s episode of "I need stronger coffee," introducing Espresso Shotgun! 💥☕😁
Hey girl, are you a burger? Because I love you.
Commentary:
Lettuce be real, this is a "toasty" compliment! 🍔❤️
My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.
Commentary:
Getting ready to stuff myself with turkey and lots of "Joe Briden" debates 🍗😂🦃
In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.
Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect plan for a spotless home! Thanksgiving might just become the cleanest hide-and-seek holiday ever! 🧹🤫🏠
I only squeak when I’m squoken to.
Commentary:
Squeak to me, and I might respond… if I'm not feeling too mouse-y! 🐭👂😄
Me: Hello, darkness, my old friend. Darkness: I have a boyfriend.
Commentary:
When even darkness is taken, it's time to work on your glow-up! 🌟😂
Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”
Commentary:
Trying to flirt your way out of eternal damnation: Noted. 😈😂
I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.
Commentary:
Smashing that space rock game: Why let Cupid have all the fun when you can send meteors? 😉🌠