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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

17,824 funny quotes topics

Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

131 Funny leave quotes

Funny leave quotes 😂 have a way of making even the most stoic boss crack a smile. Whether you’re plotting the great escape from your desk 🏃‍♂️ or just daydreaming about sandy beaches 🏖️, these quips will tickle your funny bone and make your farewell memorable. Ready to unleash your inner comedian as you wave goodbye? Start practicing your best mic drop 🎤 and prepare for an epic exit!

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Posted onMay 23, 2026

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I’m just falling in love with my problems now. Maybe they’ll leave me too.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Posted onMay 23, 2026

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Here’s a fun activity you can do with your kids on rainy days when they have too much energy: Go shopping and leave them at home with their dad.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

Posted onMay 23, 2026May 23, 2026

Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Trying to win an argument online is sociopathic. I would concede anything to get a stranger to leave me alone.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

You should be allowed to go home early from work if you miss your dog a lot.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

Posted onMay 21, 2026

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

Posted onMay 21, 2026

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

Posted onMay 21, 2026

When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

Posted onMay 21, 2026

It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I love unfollowing people. You have displeased me for the last time. Leave my sight.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

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