220 Funny little quotes

• I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

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  2 months ago

  body, day, exhaustion, fun, hours, humor, i, little, nap, naps, party, rest, schedule, surprise, surprise party, time, used

• Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

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  2 months ago

  break, death, going, gravestone, guys, humor, inscription, irony, little, media, social, social media

• What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

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  2 months ago

  bear, close, even, food, food source, funny thought, grocery, grocery store, gummy, gummy bear, humor, hunt, i, know, little, live, source, store, stores, survival, thought, where

• The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

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  2 months ago

  best, capitalism, done, food, humor, little, noodles, observation, pasta, perspective, put, thing, window, world

• The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

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  2 months ago

  bro, context, drink, humor, little, umbrella, unnecessary, wet

• I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

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  2 months ago

  clove, cooking, fresh, frustration, garlic, hate, humor, i, little, paperwork

• When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

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  2 months ago

  album, along, care, childhood, fashion, humor, i, just, little, memory, nostalgia, old, parents, photo, photo album, realize, self-expression

• According to a recent study, women who are a little overweight live longer than men who mention it.

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  2 months ago

  health, humor, little, live, longevity, men, observation, overweight, relationship, study, women

• Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

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  2 months ago

  dollars, floor, food, great, having, humor, i, kids, little, love, money, parenting, spending, trash, week

• I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

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  2 months ago

  annoyance, disgusting, even, fly, hands, hate, humor, i, insect, little, open, plotting, rub, together, window

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