Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Garlic bread is my therapist now.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Pet owners be like “this is my pet Snoopy, but their nicknames are Booboo and Thicky Boy!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,640

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

You can chill with someone a whole day at the university, and never see them again in your life, lol.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

Just shared via Telegram:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

Shared recently on Twitch:

Please continue to leave me out of the loop.

Live now on TikTok:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

Live now on Instagram:

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

Just shared via Facebook:

It’s crazy that things have got to a point where you can say, “Jurassic Park 3 is one of the better movies in the series.”

Just landed via TikTok:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

120 Funny live quotes

More funny live quotes 👇

“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

2 weeks ago

bro, experience, humor, i, irony, learn, life, live, reluctance, things, want, wisdom
Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

2 weeks ago

desire, drive, existential, humor, joke, life, live, relationship, sex, sex drive, will to live, yes
Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

2 weeks ago

activity, close, concert, experience, fun, fun activity, going, grass, heart, hold, i, live, live performance, music, performance, recommend, song, touching
“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

3 weeks ago

account, balance, brother, humor, life, live, low, struggle, wait
I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

3 weeks ago

activity, area, beach, coastal, coastal area, envy, fun, fun activity, jealousy, just, lifestyle, live, mean, people, random, random Tuesday, Tuesday
Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

3 weeks ago

alligators, animal, chance, humor, joke, later, lifespan, live, year’s
My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

3 weeks ago

couch, distraction, found, humor, i, irony, life, live, mind, never, remote, ruined, TV, wish
If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

3 weeks ago

exaggeration, hemisphere, humor, joke, live, loud, me, same, sneeze, sound
What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

3 weeks ago

bear, close, even, food, food source, funny thought, grocery, grocery store, gummy, gummy bear, humor, hunt, i, know, little, live, source, store, stores, survival, thought, where
According to a recent study, women who are a little overweight live longer than men who mention it.

3 weeks ago

health, humor, little, live, longevity, men, observation, overweight, relationship, study, women

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Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Messenger this month:

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

71 shares on X this month:

Remember: no matter what anyone else thinks of you, it’s how you delude yourself that matters.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

20 shares on Threads this month:

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

15 shares on Messenger this month:

Spotify Wrapped, but for all your bad decisions this year.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

75 shares on Discord this month:

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

If you are into coding, pivot to hunting and gathering.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I’ve been a main character since birth.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

Trending via Twitch:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

Trending via Messenger:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Trending via Pinterest:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

Activity Log ✨

120 Funny live quotes

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