Commentary:
Guess I'm safe since I'm pretty skilled at being stupid all on my own! 😂🤪📱
2117 Funny me quotes
Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.
Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect chance to win the "Most Overwhelmed Dating Experience" award 🏆😅🧠
You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.
Commentary:
Sounds like the plot of my next reality TV show! 🎬😈📺
There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.
Commentary:
Sounds like it's time to start a "Worthy Men" boot camp! Applications open now! 😂👩✈️🔍
Having a crush on a girl makes you think things like, yes, let me make more money.
Commentary:
Having a crush be like, suddenly turning into a financial advisor just to impress! 💸😂
Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.
Commentary:
When you can't decide if you need to clean up for guests or leave everything as evidence! 😅🪑🔪
I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?
Commentary:
Who needs bedtime action when you can have bedtime fiction? 🛌📖😴
If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’ll be running a 0.002K this weekend to raise awareness for laziness.
Commentary:
That sounds like a gruelling test of endurance—don't forget to carbo-load with some donuts 🍩🏃♂️😴!
AI could never replace me, you can’t put this much self-loathing into a machine.
Commentary:
😂😆 "Guess that's one upgrade AI programmers aren't rushing to install! #UnmatchedHumanTalent"
At the end of the day, it’s just me and me.
Commentary:
When you realize the soundtrack to your life is a solo! 🎶🤦♂️🤷♀️ #SelfDuet