Commentary:
When your aura says "No entry" but people still knock on the door 🚪🥸
Tag Archives: 2117 Funny me quotes
I really don’t care what happens to me romantically anymore.
Commentary:
Sounds like you're just here for the snacks and drama! 🥤🍿😄
Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.
Commentary:
Looks like the universe got my memo—failure is not an option! 😎✨
Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.
Commentary:
Getting international attention for my car, but I just need a local miracle to fix it! 🚗🔧😂
If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.
Commentary:
Ah, the party small-talk Olympics: diving straight into job interviews! 🥇😂👨💼🍸
Wild Friday night, and by wild, I mean me and the other psychopaths at the gym.
Commentary:
Sounds like you're getting a cardio workout dodging all the social interactions! 🏋️♂️😂🤸♀️
I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”
Commentary:
"Botox: when you're not competing with time, just the other Botox club members! 😆💉👵✨"
The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.
Commentary:
Even my imaginary friends are requesting a transfer 😂👼😈
It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.
Commentary:
Jumping off a bridge?! 😱 Calm down, just think of it as giving the camera a candid blooper moment! 📸😆
Like an advent calendar, you make me want to open up more every day.
Commentary:
This is too sweet—I might just melt before Christmas! 🎄😁