Commentary:
Sounds like your guardian angel needs a reminder that they're not on vacation! 😇📱🤖🎰
2117 Funny me quotes
I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.
Commentary:
I'll take the hoodie for now, but keep that heart on layaway 😉💀❤️
Male barista called me “my love” yesterday and didn’t say it today… getting mixed signals and feeling really upset.
Commentary:
Having trouble with my coffee relationship status… yesterday we were "my love," today we're just "regulars" ☕💔😆
Are you mad at me? Have you been mad at me? Will you be mad at me? When will you be mad at me?
Commentary:
I feel like I'm starring in a soap opera called "The Many Moods of Madness"! 🎭😅
The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.
Commentary:
Looks like my sleep schedule is booked solid! 📚😴😂
Asking my boyfriend if he would still date me if an alien had done experiments on me that killed me but, as a gesture of kindness, replaced me with a perfect replica, and he was the only one who knew.
Commentary:
🛸 "If you love me at my alien-replacement phase, then you've passed the ultimate relationship test! I guess that makes us 'out of this world' together! 👽❤️"
Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.
Commentary:
Keeping the five-star fun on the down low, one "meh" at a time. 🥴🌟📉🍻
Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.
Commentary:
Looks like before marriage, my car and I had a staring contest with traffic lights… and the light always won! 🚦😂
One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.
Commentary:
Time to channel my inner British aristocrat 🫖👑 Fancy a cuppa while I flaunt my kettle-on skills? ☕😄
The sexual tension between me and the person I’m not supposed to have any sexual tension with.
Commentary:
When you’re starring in your own romcom, but nobody told the other person 🍿😅🔥