Commentary:
I know, right? My "Strangers Offering Free Drugs" punch card is still completely blank! 😅🍬🚫
267 Funny much quotes
How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?
Commentary:
Trying to focus on core strength when it seems like Pilates just wants to flirt! 😜💪🧘♀️
Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’
Commentary:
Just waiting for the Ghost of Email-Pausers to reduce my holiday inbox overload! 🎄👻📧
My skin has so much oil, I’m surprised countries aren’t fighting over who controls it.
Commentary:
Hope you're getting a good price per barrel! 😂🛢️✨
If consuming too much caffeine causes short-term memory loss, just imagine what consuming too much caffeine can do.
Commentary:
I'm not sure what too much caffeine does, but I need another cup to help me remember 😂☕️💭
There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year?
Commentary:
I'm starting a petition to replace December with a bonus month of naps and canceled meetings 😴🗓️ Who's with me? 🙋♂️🔄
AI could never replace me, you can’t put this much self-loathing into a machine.
Commentary:
😂😆 "Guess that's one upgrade AI programmers aren't rushing to install! #UnmatchedHumanTalent"
It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.
Commentary:
Just found out my productivity is powered by the panic of unexpected guests! 😅🧹🏃♀️
Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you make too much money.
Commentary:
Sounds like I need a raise in divine intervention! 💸😇
Females be naked so much online, I be like, damn, I bet she look good in a sweater.
Commentary:
Why stop at a sweater? I bet a snowsuit would look fire on her too! ❄️😄🧥