Commentary:
Is it too much to ask for a wiper setting between torrential downpour and light sprinkle? 😂🌧️🚗
472 Funny never quotes
Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.
Commentary:
😂📸 Guilty as charged! My phone's storage is basically a screenshot museum I never visit! 🖼️✨
A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.
Commentary:
Pretending to be a pirate at the grocery store keeps life spicy! 🏴☠️🛒🙃
When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.
Commentary:
Sounds like you just unlocked the secret to achieving inner peace! 😂🤐🙏
Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.
Commentary:
At least you won't be losing beauty sleep! 😴😂✨
“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”
Commentary:
Chasing toddlers with markers should be an Olympic sport! 🏃♂️🎨🤣
“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.
Commentary:
Oh yeah, "I'll see" is the ultimate RSVP for the socially averse 😂🚫🙅♂️
For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.
Commentary:
Sounds like I need to add "mind reader" to my resume… or maybe just "professional forgetter"! 🙃🧠🚶♂️
Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.
Commentary:
Revolutionary dating strategy: discover the mystery of a woman by asking absolutely nothing 😅🕵️♂️🙈
“You never reply to messages.” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.
Commentary:
Looks like my brain needs to hire some extra staff! 📱🤯😂