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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

There are many people who don’t like me and I am one of them.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

779 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,941

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,941

Updated

18 minutes ago

Users Online

3,421

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

Spotted on Slack:

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

Going viral on Reddit:

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Seen just now on Twitch:

Apparently I lack empathy, according to some stupid cow in HR.

Making waves on Discord:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Making waves on Instagram:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

779 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,941

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,941

Updated

18 minutes ago

Users Online

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Two words have helped me open a lot of doors in my life. Push and Pull.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Welcome to adulthood: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

Just shared via Threads:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

Shared recently on WeChat:

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

Trending via Twitch:

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s these screenshots I got.

Just shared via Discord:

She’s got style. She’s got grace. She dropped her cellphone on her face. She’s a lady.

Spotted on Discord:

Being silly is very important for my mental health.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

Spotted on YouTube:

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

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