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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew my life was like this.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Your brain needs exercise just as much as your body does. That’s why I think of running everyday.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

And what do we do when we are sad? “Add to cart”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2406 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,568

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,568

11 minutes ago

3,455

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew my life was like this.

Trending via Slack:

Always funny to see motivational posts from people I know are toxic in real life.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m very loyal to whatever brand is on sale.

Spotted on Threads:

There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

Broadcasted on X:

I don’t have a nervous system, I am a nervous system.

Just landed via TikTok:

Can hardly wait until my winter fat turns into spring rolls.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

Going viral on Slack:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Home » Funny Possessions Quotes

Funny possessions quotes

Funny possessions quotes bring a hilarious twist to the things we own 🛋️🤣 From quirky treasures to everyday clutter, these witty lines remind us not to take our stuff too seriously 🧸✨ Whether you’re a minimalist or a proud hoarder, get ready to chuckle at the playful side of our beloved belongings 😂🏠 #FunnyPossessions #KeepItLight

New funny possessions quotes 👇

2 months ago
Share →: You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Commentary:
"True! My closet is already a black hole for all my missing socks! 🧦🕳️😂"
Jan 26, 2025
Share →: The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Commentary:
"Well, there's a clear distinction between a Lamborghini and a dead body – one is sleek and fast, while the other is, well, not so alive 🏎️💀 But hey, at least your garage isn't haunted by a Lambo ghost, right? 😂"
Jan 25, 2025
Share →: My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Commentary:
"Trying to declutter is like embarking on a quest to slay the dragon of excess…only to end up cuddling with it instead 🐉✨ Who knew that hoarding could be so cozy and comforting? #DragonDenDeclutterFail"
Jan 25, 2025
Share →: I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

Commentary:
"Having a garage sale: The ultimate passive-aggressive way to solve your borrowing problems 🛠️🚫💸 #SecretlyHopeTheyShowUp"
Jan 24, 2025
Share →: If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

Commentary:
"If I had a dollar for every time my dogs chewed something they shouldn't, I'd probably just buy them more expensive chew toys to destroy! 🐶💸🤷‍♂️ #LifeWithDogs"

For even more funny possessions quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny possessions quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2406 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,568

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,568

11 minutes ago

3,457

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

If i say “morning!” to you, it does not mean “good morning”, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? Disgusting.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Overthinking should at least burn calories.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Just landed via WeChat:

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

Just shared via Slack:

Ain’t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

Seen just now on Instagram:

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.

Just landed via X:

Why do men always think “looking for fun” means sex? Wat if I want us to draw?

Shared recently on Messenger:

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

Just landed via Telegram:

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

Making waves on Pinterest:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

Making waves on Instagram:

As an outsider, what’s your view on intelligence?

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