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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Talents: eating!

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

4,006

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

Does everyone’s inner monologue have a laugh track?

Shared recently on Reddit:

Tried to sleep by reading a boring book and now it’s suddenly the most interesting book.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Shared recently on X:

Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

Making waves on Threads:

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

Trending via Pinterest:

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

Breaking via Messenger:

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

39 Funny self-talk quotes

More funny self-talk quotes 👇

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

0

2 months ago

being, coding, debugging, detective, humor, movie, normal, problem-solving, programming, self-talk, talking, where, yourself
You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

0

2 months ago

ever, got, health, humor, inside, inside joke, joke, jokes, mental, mental health, schizophrenia, self, self-talk, talk, yourself
The me who snips coupons needs to communicate better with the me who walks into the stores.

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2 months ago

better, budgeting, communicate, coupon, humor, me, needs, personality, self-talk, shopping, store
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

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2 months ago

advice, conversation, expert, humor, i, myself, need, self-talk, talk
One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

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3 months ago

excellent, head, health, humor, joke, mental, mental health, point, sarcasm, self, self-talk, talk, voice, voices
Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

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3 months ago

awkward, awkwardness, cry, crying, front, humor, i, insecurity, least, myself, new, self-talk, sexy, stranger, strangers, telling
I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

0

3 months ago

attitude, condescending, condescending tone, humor, i, myself, same, sarcasm, self-talk, special, talk, tone
My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

0

5 months ago

frustration, humor, job, job frustration, morning, morning routine, motivation, myself, quitting, quitting job, routine, self, self-talk, talk, talking, work, work humor
“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

0

5 months ago

always, going, humor, i, lie, morning, myself, procrastination, self-talk, sleep, tell, tonight

For even more funny self-talk quotes, hit next 👇

All funny self-talk quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Threads this month:

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics? My watch just congratulated me for standing up.

96 shares on Instagram this month:

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m not saying I need glasses. But today I watched a bunny in a meadow until it flew away.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

65 shares on Facebook this month:

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

29 shares on Slack this month:

Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

97 shares on Slack this month:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

Y’all made fun of Plankton on Spongebob for dating a computer, and look at y’all now.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Men be like, “You’ve been different ever since I disrespected you.”

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Do not estimate me.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Twitter can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Throwing “whereupon” into a few work emails today to keep it fun.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

Going viral on X:

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Going bananas on WeChat:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Shared recently on Threads:

Dating profiles should make you share a sound bite of you sneezing.

Seen just now on X:

Telling men I have a boyfriend doesn’t chase them away anymore, so I’ve started telling them I have a child.

Trending via Twitch:

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

Just shared via Threads:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

Making waves on Messenger:

I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

Activity Log ✨

39 Funny self-talk quotes

More funny self-talk quotes 👇

All funny self-talk quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨