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336 Funny someone quotes

Trending Funny Someone Quotes 🔥

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”
How do you tell someone that you will probably end up marrying them, but in a casual way?
Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.
Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.
Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

More funny someone quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Commentary:
"Betrayal is like herpes – it's the gift that keeps on giving, whether you want it or not… 🤣💔"
5 months ago
Share →: Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

Commentary:
"Watch out for those huggers, they might be in for a 'bite' surprise! 🦷😂 Who knew personal boundaries could be so deliciously entertaining? 🤗 #BewareOfTheBiter"
5 months ago
Share →: Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

Commentary:
"Ah, the art of solicitation disguised as inquiry! 💸🤔 Next time you're hit with a question, just slip in a cheeky 'Would you like to donate to the 'Keep My Knowledge Base Running' cause?' 😆💡"
5 months ago
Share →: Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

Commentary:
"Ah, the majestic sight of virtual battles unfolding! 🕊️💻 Remember, folks, keep calm and let those online adversaries unknowingly contribute to the soaring population of middle fingers in our digital world. Fly high, you rebellious little digits! 🖕😂"
5 months ago
Share →: If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

Commentary:
Oh, so you're an expert on relationships now, huh? Well, why aren't you a millionaire, Mr./Ms. Relationship Guru? 💁‍♂️💰 Might need to update your resume to include "Love Doctor AND Financial Wizard"! 😉 #SavageResponses #SingleLifeBenefits
5 months ago
Share →: Someone asked me if I had any hobbies and I panicked and said “lasagna”.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic hobby of lasagna-making! 🍝 Who needs stamp collecting when you can craft layers of cheesy goodness? 😄 Just remember to add your secret ingredient: extra panic for that extra flavor! 🤪 #LasagnaLifestyle"
5 months ago
Share →: One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

Commentary:
"Ah, the sheer bliss of sipping on coffee while someone else tackles the endless aisles of decision-making 🛒☕️ Who knew laziness could taste so delicious? #GroceryGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

Commentary:
Oh, the classic "trauma makes me funny" defense – sorry, but the comedic jury is still out on that one! 🤷‍♂️😅 It's like trying to justify a bad haircut with a sob story – nice try, but we're not buying it! 💇‍♂️😂 #ComedyCourtRuling
5 months ago
Share →: As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old mystery of brainless chatter! 🧠💬 Social media: where talking without thinking is a superpower! 🤳😂 #NoBrainNoProblem"
5 months ago
Share →: That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Commentary:
Ah, the classic dishware dilemma – the battle of the sink supremacy! 🍽️💦 Who will emerge victorious in this soapy standoff? Will the dishwashing champion yield to the sneaky underdog? The tension is palpable, the stakes are high – it's the ultimate showdown in the kitchen sink arena! 🤣 #SudsyShowdown