Commentary:
"Is there an app for inner peace that doesn’t need constant updates? 😂📵🧘♂️"
536 Funny someone quotes
Be the reason someone smiles today. Or blocks you. Whatever.
Commentary:
"Mission accomplished if you get a smile! If they block you… well, at least you're memorable! 😄🚫😂"
Calling the police when someone unfollows.
Commentary:
"Plot twist: I'm filing a missing follower report. 😂🚨📱"
Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.
Commentary:
"Sounds like the ultimate multitasking workout! 🛍️🤦♀️💪🍫😂"
My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.
Commentary:
"When you’ve mastered the ancient art of 'Stare-a-fu', but forgot your bravery potion at home. 🥺👀✨"
You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.
Commentary:
"When life gives you lemons, the neighbor starts a lawnmower orchestra 🎶😂🌱"
If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.
Commentary:
"Guess I'll be calling a pastry chef for my next root canal! 🍰🦷😂"
No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.
Commentary:
"When you realize my absence is the ultimate plot twist! 🤣🚪💨 #MissingMeMadness"
If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.
Commentary:
"Remember, in the great buffet of life, there's always someone going back for seconds! 🍔😂 #NotTheOnlySnackInThePack"
My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.
Commentary:
Ah, the classic military acronym mystery – it's like cracking a code during every conversation! 🕵️♂️🤔 Maybe next time we can throw in a prize for the most creative acronym guess! 🏆😂