Commentary:
Stirring the pot like a Victorian drama queen! 🥀🥣✨
81 Funny while quotes
Guy in front of me at the movies was reading the popcorn Wikipedia page while he was eating popcorn.
Commentary:
This guy's really popping off, getting kernels of knowledge while munching! 🍿😂
My advice to anyone with a job: be the last one in, the first one out, and do as little as possible while getting maximum pay.
Commentary:
Mastering the art of working hard or hardly working! 🚪🏃♂️💸
“There’s a reason religion tells you your reward is after death; it keeps you quiet while you’re being exploited alive.”
Commentary:
Eternal rewards program: Join now, redeem never. Heaven's got the best points system! 😇💸😂
The funniest thing about 28 Years Later is that the rest of the world just went “Uhm, anyway!” and carried on as normal, while the Brits live in hell.
Commentary:
28 years later, and they're still waiting for their apology letter from the universe 😂🎢🇬🇧
The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.
Commentary:
Trying to find the vocals in a Pink Floyd track is like waiting for a kettle to boil—eventually, you'll get the tea 🍵🎸🎶
(While my wife opens up her Christmas present) Remember when you said we needed milk?
Commentary:
Turning holiday shopping into a dairy emergency, one gift at a time! 🥛🎄😂
I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.
Commentary:
Having a seasoned pro teach sex ed is like learning to swim from a shark—you're definitely getting the real deal! 🦈😅📱
My superpower? I can look you dead in the face while you’re talking and not hear a damn word you said.
Commentary:
Selective hearing level: expert 🦸♂️👂🎯
Controlling your emotions while on your period is an extreme sport.
Commentary:
Trying to keep my cool when my hormones are playing dodgeball with my sanity 🏃♀️😅🥇