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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

“I’m getting tired of everything being 100 dollars and 100 degrees.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,724

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Just shared via Pinterest:

Cancel culture has been canceled.

Seen just now on YouTube:

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

Spotted on Slack:

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

Just shared via Discord:

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Seen just now on Instagram:

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you realize your dog has a self-destruct mode 😂💥🐕

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

1 month ago
activity, bring, eat, food, fun, game, humor, i, me, play
Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

1 month ago
bra, branding, fashion, humor, Lululemon, melons, why
Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

2 months ago
apology, being, confusion, conversation, every, everything, explode, explosion, humor, i, just, me, multitalk, same, sorry, talk, thing, time, try, weird
If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

1 month ago
advice, bedtime, drinking, humor, hydration, kids, parenting, tell, water
Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

1 month ago
activity, animal, animal behavior, behavior, cats, following, funny activity, give, humor, humorous, humorous quote, kitchen, me, meowing, pet, pet humor, spend, today, treats
This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

1 month ago
everyday, everyday life, gratitude, grocery, grocery list, humor, journal, life, list, looks, lot, sarcasm

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I always imagined WWIII would be Earth vs. aliens.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

Going viral on Facebook:

I can’t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

Seen just now on WeChat:

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

Breaking via Messenger:

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

Seen just now on Twitch:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

Just shared via YouTube:

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

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Activity Log ✨

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

The amount of inappropriate thoughts I have is a little concerning.

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

An alcoholic morning show host becoming Secretary of War is some Kurt Vonnegut shit.

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Mornings would be fine if they started later.

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

God, I was so happy when I was 18. I wasn’t at the time, but in retrospect I was.

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

The only thing I gained this year is weight.

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Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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