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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think of me.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

The me who snips coupons needs to communicate better with the me who walks into the stores.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

I love when people say, “In college, I wrote a paper on…” as if that holds any academic merit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

Just shared via Twitch:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Shared recently on TikTok:

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

Spotted on Telegram:

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

You will give your period 50 acres of prime pad, and it will still choose to encroach on your underwear.

Just shared via Twitch:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

Trending via Slack:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

Spotted on Threads:

They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

Humorous, blunt quote about urgency and holiday chaos with playful, irreverent tone.
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Commentary:
Racing against Santa's sleigh in the last-minute mall marathon! 🎅🏎️🎁

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Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Maybe everyone can just pee outside from now on so I never have to clean the toilets again.

72 shares on Slack this month:

Forever grateful that thought bubbles aren’t a real thing.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

14 shares on Telegram this month:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

28 shares on Threads this month:

May you heal from that fanfic that never got updated.

86 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Do people who spend a fortune on outdoor heating know they can just go inside?

49 shares on Reddit this month:

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

52 shares on YouTube this month:

If you wear enough cardigans, people will assume you’re smart and you can stop reading entirely.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m not religious but I know there’s a hell because Monopoly exists.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a crush is so fun, it’s literally just butterflies and delusion.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Not only do I turn down my radio to find a house or a parking spot, but I also take off my sunglasses to hear someone better.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

25 folks are currently checking 👀

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if my date ever found her way out of that corn maze.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,619

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Life is weird and then you die.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

I’m basically the human version of tangled up Christmas lights.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

People don’t realize how hard you ride for them until you park.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

You can recognize working-class kids by the fact that they hang their jacket over the chair in the restaurant and not on the coat hook.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

“I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.

Going bananas on Telegram:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Just shared via Reddit:

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

Just shared via Slack:

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not “ “?

Spotted on Discord:

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

Live now on Discord:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please put some money in its pocket.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

Live now on Instagram:

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

Trending via Pinterest:

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

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