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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I have noticed something quite worrying: after I buy more things I have less money.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Took a break from social media because my cat was asleep on my phone.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,517

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

Weirdos gonna weird.

Just shared via Threads:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Spotted on Threads:

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

Spotted on Reddit:

Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Home is where the Wi-Fi connects automatically and no one chews loud.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

Spotted on Instagram:

Some people buy shoes to feel alive. I buy boarding passes.

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
When your autograph request turns into a gratitude card 😂✍️😅

asked, autograph, celebrity, hanks, humor, i, misunderstanding, signature, thanks, tom, Tom Hanks

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Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Been acting really busy today because I can tell my coworker wants to talk about something in his personal life.

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

72 shares on TikTok this month:

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

43 shares on Instagram this month:

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

36 shares on Slack this month:

Dating is so overrated. Let’s just get married.

75 shares on Threads this month:

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

I came. I saw. I made it awkward.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

It seems really unfair that my future depends on me.

31 shares on Twitch this month:

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

59 shares on Threads this month:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s, the best part of your day is now the heated seats in your car after a long day.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Worst part of being in my 20’s is to be reminded that I’m actually in my mid-40’s.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Why do guys named Timothy go by Tim when they could go by Moth?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

I’m sick of blessings in disguise. I am ready for a blessing with absolutely no disguise whatsoever.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Honestly, how women are drawn in a manga is typically (though not always) a good clue for what demographic a manga series is.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Just shared via YouTube:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Making waves on Twitch:

Introducing WifeChat™, the app where you talk to your wife.

Making waves on YouTube:

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I alway get the same thing every year for Christmas. Fat!

Live now on WhatsApp:

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

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Activity Log ✨

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

Job applications be like “how did you hear about us?”. Bro why, was it a secret?

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, Eat cake.

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Job applications be like “how did you hear about us?”. Bro why, was it a secret?

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, Eat cake.

Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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