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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

I will improve my life after I doom scroll a little more. Yes.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Thanksgiving is just me trying to look cute while holding a fork like a medieval warrior.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

A gambler is only called an addict when he loses.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Me, whenever I can easily do some yoga pose, “This can’t be right.”

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,419

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Can’t wait for when we’re all in our 80’s and still tweeting.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

Seen just now on Discord:

The devil couldn’t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

Shared recently on Reddit:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Spotted on Telegram:

This Monday has Monday written all over it.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Seeing an animal sigh is so funny to me. Like, what happened, buddy?

Seen just now on YouTube:

Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

4 weeks ago

Witty humor about asking Tom Hanks for an autograph and receiving gratitude.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your autograph request turns into a gratitude card 😂✍️😅

asked, autograph, celebrity, hanks, humor, i, misunderstanding, signature, thanks, tom, Tom Hanks

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Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Telegram this month:

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

68 shares on YouTube this month:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

88 shares on Threads this month:

You’ll be fighting for your life financially and that’s when all your toiletries finish at the same time.

32 shares on X this month:

Just call me Mother Nature because I can go from hot to cold in a 24-hour period, too.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Imagine being social on social media.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Interesting people are my favorite endangered species.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Why’d they call it a fly swatter and not a splatula?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

My one cat vomited her dinner and then the other cat went in and started eating it. And that, my friends, is what ChatGPT is to me.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Don’t listen to any thoughts about yourself if your hair isn’t washed. It’s just not true.

Seen just now on Discord:

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

Spotted on Telegram:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s Wednesday.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

Going viral on Snapchat:

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

Making waves on Threads:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Sometimes I don’t have anything intelligent to say and sometimes I don’t let that stop me.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly selective about what I suffer for.

Seen just now on Slack:

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.

I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.

I’m so unpopular at school they call me “Batteries”. I’m never included in anything.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

When they make a Hate Island, somebody link me.

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.

I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.

I’m so unpopular at school they call me “Batteries”. I’m never included in anything.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨