Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Oh, lord. I brought my mouth with me to work today and it’s all sass. Prayers, please.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I’d like to have a word with the groundhog before he starts working this year.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Introverts have fun, too — we just don’t care if you know.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,271

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

You can make a salad without lettuce if you want, there are no rules.

Making waves on Slack:

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

Seen just now on WeChat:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

Going viral on Slack:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive.

Just shared via Pinterest:

It’s like my wish isn’t even your command anymore…

Live now on YouTube:

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

Shared recently on Facebook:

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Guess I'd have to walk the plank of shame, Captain Calm is off-duty! ⚓️😅 #LandlubberLife"

cool, even, frustration, humor, i, ID, joke, know, landlubber, life, lose, losing, losing cool, me, nautical, sailor, sailor joke, sarcastic, sea, sea life

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

0

2 months ago

another, comedy, dinosaurs, film, guess, humor, jurassic, let, loose, me, movie, sequel
The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied.

0

4 months ago

after, bragging, disappointment, humor, man, needs, relationship, science
Being quiet in a room full of loud people is my favorite sport.

0

2 months ago

activity, being, favorite, full, humor, introvert, loud, people, quiet, room, social, sport
Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

0

2 months ago

bored, friend, friendship, humor, imaginary, imaginary friend, left, loneliness, me, note, people, saying, see other people
Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

0

2 months ago

day, humor, let, man, responsibility, ruin, sarcasm, self-deprecation
Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

0

2 months ago

20, brain, brains, clue, email, every, forget, forgetfulness, Funny, got, humor, i, irony, memory, password, remember, song, word

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on X this month:

I’m ready to try another planet.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Are you free tomorrow?” No, tomorrow I’m still expensive.

61 shares on Threads this month:

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

I can now see how sitting on a porch could fill an entire life.

73 shares on X this month:

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

41 shares on Threads this month:

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Some people are like clouds. When they go away it’s much better.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

“What’s wrong with you?” Right now or in general?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Apparently, everyone on the Zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”

Trending via Threads:

My favorite part about summer is when I get to go back inside where it’s air conditioned.

Breaking via Discord:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

Breaking via Telegram:

There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

Making waves on Facebook:

The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

Just landed via Messenger:

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

Going viral on Threads:

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

That awkward moment when someone you hate is breathing.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied.

Being quiet in a room full of loud people is my favorite sport.

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨