I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

Stop asking people over 40 what we like to do for fun. You’re not gonna like the answer.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t need your flipping advice, I am capable of ruining my life on my own.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

91 shares on YouTube this month:

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s actually scary how your whole life depends on how well you did as a teenager.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

19 shares on Messenger this month:

Reading about two insects who fall in love in Italy. It’s a Rome ants novel.