Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

December. The month at work where everything is January’s problem.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

If Liverpool play Real Madrid right now, both teams will lose the game.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Most puns make me feel numb, but math puns make me feel number.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

You’re my least favourite notification.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

It’s like my wish isn’t even your command anymore…

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,720

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

That moment when rappers mispronounce a word just to make it rhyme.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

Seen just now on Telegram:

A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

TVs are like, literally, the only thing that has gotten cheaper as I’ve gotten older.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Job posting: $15/hr for master’s degree. Burrito menu: $23 for bean and cheese burrito.

Just shared via WeChat:

To the people who have only fans, what’s stopping you from upgrading to an air conditioner?

Shared recently on X:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Just landed via Pinterest:

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

Freshly posted on Discord:

All my life lessons were learned by watching people who took my advice.

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I'll take the hoodie for now, but keep that heart on layaway 😉💀❤️

box, dark, dark humor, heart, hoodie, humor, i, love, me, sarcasm, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.

0

2 months ago

admire, brains, humor, joke, relationship, woman, yourself, zombie
Having a job ruined my life.

0

2 months ago

career, frustration, having, humor, job, life, ruined, sarcasm, work
A beautiful woman should never have to send an email. Yet, such tragedies occur every day.

0

2 months ago

beautiful, beauty, day, email, every, humor, never, send, should, social, technology, tragedy, woman
I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

0

2 months ago

air, air conditioner, appreciation, award, conditioner, employee, give, humor, i, month, plaque, workplace
I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

0

2 months ago

clothes, follow, humor, i, independence, instructions, me, rebellion, self-expression, tell, washing, washing instructions
I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

0

2 months ago

alone, car, good, humor, i, moment, people, performance, private, private moment, self-expression, shower, sing, singing, wish

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on YouTube this month:

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

92 shares on X this month:

People will say stuff like “Well, at least if WWIII happens, I won’t have to go to work…” I think in your heart you know that’s not true.

50 shares on Threads this month:

A perfect metaphor for my life would be “Someone trying to stand up in a hammock.”

37 shares on TikTok this month:

Super excited about a brand new week of faking it.

58 shares on Slack this month:

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

94 shares on Facebook this month:

Why is sleeping at night so hard, but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft, fluffy cloud while Adele sings you a lullaby?

78 shares on X this month:

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have read the room and decided to be illiterate.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

Being single for Valentine’s Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Parallel parking: where true relationships are tested!

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Whenever I close an app and immediately open it back up, I really feel how dire it all is.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Who called it a period tracker instead of a madvent calendar?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

Making waves on Threads:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

Going bananas on Messenger:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

Just landed via Telegram:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, begging for my cat’s attention.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

Making waves on Slack:

Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

Going viral on Snapchat:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Just shared via Threads:

AI could never replace me, you can’t put this much self-loathing into a machine.

Seen just now on Threads:

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

Just landed via Discord:

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.

Having a job ruined my life.

A beautiful woman should never have to send an email. Yet, such tragedies occur every day.

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨