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Commentary:
🐎🔥 "I swear, the Four Horsemen must have opened a recruitment program at this rate! It's like we're ordering apocalypse riders off a fast-food menu – 'Can I get a side of famine with that, please?' 😂 #EndlessApocalypse"

50th, 60th, apocalypse, context, exaggeration, feel, feeling, horseman, humor, i

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Imagining how cathartic it must feel to send forth thousands and thousands of bats from your Transylvanian manor.

4 months ago

bat, bats, catharsis, feel, gothic, humor, imagination, manor, send, Transylvania, vampire
I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

1 month ago

6am, 9pm, after, age, am, answered, humorous, i, late, late night, night, old, response, sleep, text
I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

2 months ago

childhood, fear, ghosts, humor, i, ID, kids, know, knowledge, little, never, parenting, something, supernatural, too
I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

4 weeks ago

body, daily, daily routine, drink, eat, frustration, hate, having, high, humor, i, maintenance, routine, shower, sleep, stupid
My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

1 month ago

adult, childhood, head, humor, i, irony, lessons, life, life lessons, lose, lose head, me, need, own, parents, responsibility, self-awareness, tools, want
I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

1 month ago

accept, act, clarity, communication, dumb, humor, humor quote, i, irony, me, sarcasm, say, stubborn, stubborn act, stubbornness, wit

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

My life would be pointless without cheese. Or as the famous song goes: “Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone!”

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

Trending via WeChat:

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

Making waves on X:

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

Seen just now on Facebook:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

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I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

Imagining how cathartic it must feel to send forth thousands and thousands of bats from your Transylvanian manor.

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

Made my last mortgage payment. Yay! I still owe a lot, I’m just not paying anymore.

My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

The worst thing is finding out the “sweet guy” is just a lustful loser.

I’m at the age where I can remember things that never happened.

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

My motivation and me: It’s complicated.

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

They’re called grown-ups because they groan every time they get up.

Maybe coffee is addicted to me?

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I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Imagining how cathartic it must feel to send forth thousands and thousands of bats from your Transylvanian manor.

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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