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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

You can’t scare me; you’re not my credit card bill.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, these bills got me afraid of the light.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,279

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Spotted on WeChat:

Forever grateful that thought bubbles aren’t a real thing.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Social media is a great way to make new enemies.

Just shared via Instagram:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Going viral on Twitch:

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

Going viral on X:

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

Spotted on Reddit:

YOLO because stupid people don’t know what Carpe Diem means.

Just shared via Threads:

If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

Shared recently on TikTok:

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

I have more trips planned than I have money.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Planning trips like a millionaire, budgeting like a college student! 💸✈️😅

budget, finance, humor, i, money, planned, planning, travel, trip

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

0

2 months ago

cinema, days, days off, desire, entertainment, feast, five, fun, high, i, laptop, relaxation, return, row, too, where, work
Sometimes I need a break from myself but it’s like, ugh, everywhere I go there I am.

0

2 months ago

am, break, everywhere, existential, humor, i, irony, myself, need, self-reflection, ugh
That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

0

2 months ago

ability, carpet, cat, cats, cleaning, humor, mess, pet, throw, throw up
The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

0

2 months ago

actually, conspiracy, faked, humor, i, landing, Mars, moon, moon landing, proof, prove, space
I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

0

2 months ago

abduction, alien, aliens, chores, clean, cleaning, eat, hands, humor, hygiene, i, me, mothership, parenting, room, vegetables, wash
Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

0

2 months ago

humor, irony, machine, mindfulness, presence, present, right, science, set, time, time machine, time travel, travel, trying

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Discord this month:

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

Our parents were right all along, the music is too loud.

86 shares on Slack this month:

They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same.

95 shares on Discord this month:

My chakra went out for cigarettes.

75 shares on Slack this month:

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

84 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

Wearing shorts and my pale legs screamed at the sensation of sunlight like vampires.

31 shares on Threads this month:

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

I live in constant fear that some douchebag is going to show up to a bonfire with a guitar.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Never cry at the weekend. Cry at work, at least then you’ll get paid for it.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Descibe your boobs only using a picture of them.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Hold on, let me overthink this.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

Social Media Log 💫

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I have more trips planned than I have money.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Sometimes I need a break from myself but it’s like, ugh, everywhere I go there I am.

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨