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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch will get sad.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

This too shall pass, but what the hell?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,854

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

Just shared via WeChat:

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

You give my middle finger an erection.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Interesting people are my favorite endangered species.

Just shared via Slack:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.

5 months ago

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Commentary:
Sounds like a sizzlin' romance: crispy, tasty, and just a little dangerous! 🥓🔥❤️

bacon, burnt, crispy, death, food, humor, i, killing, man, me, men, relationship, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

5 months ago
age, childhood, computer, computer lab, going, humor, lab, memory, nostalgia, people, remember, school, technology
One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

1 month ago
being, cars, direction, driving, experience, feature, going, humor, level-up, pedestrian, road, road safety, safety, signal, thing, turn, turn signal
If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

1 month ago
announce, announcement, bear, cave, curiosity, fun, humor, i, just, last, last post, media, playful, post, sabbatical, social, social media, something, take, wonder
I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.

1 month ago
butter, complaint, crumb, crumbs, difficult, difficult time, family, humor, keep, leave, me, please, thoughts, time, visiting, visitor
You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

2 months ago
behavior, couch, dog, evil, evil eye, eye, humor, i, lay, lay down, me, pet, pet behavior, relatable, sarcasm, scare
My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

2 weeks ago
care, humor, multitasking, nail, nail care, nails, self-care, session, should, talking, therapist, therapy, therapy session, while

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

When your electric toothbrush dies, it becomes a regular toothbrush. Don’t freak out. Just calm down and remember your training.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

This year is starting to feel like it needs to be left outside until we see if it can act right.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

The eyes are the windows to the soul. A mustache is the front garden, and the mouth is that big pothole the council should do something about.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Snaccident: eating a whole bag of Doritos in one sitting.

Just shared via Twitch:

My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

Just landed via Telegram:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

Going viral on Telegram:

At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

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Activity Log ✨

I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.

Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Can I come over and be your midnight snack?

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

Hey, if the Earth could stop air frying me, that’d be great.

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Wake me when AI does housework.

“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by “Wham” encourages you to do something you shouldn’t do.

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

When my sister drives, I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor.

The urge to buy people gifts they’ve mentioned they liked once.

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I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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