Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Sausage might clog my arteries, but it lubricates my soul.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

The Titanic is a great lesson of why “just the tip” can get you into a whole lot of trouble.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I hate when I turn off my brights for an incoming vehicle and then realize it’s a Cybertruck.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,408

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

I read all your bumper stickers and now we’re both stupid.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

Going viral on Facebook:

OnlyFans, but it’s elderly women teaching you how to sew, knit, can food, quilt, and some solid recipes. OnlyGrans.

Making waves on Discord:

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

Just landed via Slack:

Just paid my rent, now I have a warm place to starve in.

Shared recently on Threads:

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?

Going bananas on Threads:

You should introduce your upper lip to your bottom lip sometime and shut up.

Live now on Instagram:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

Spotted on Reddit:

A recent study showed that people who are reading this text thought they were learning something useful.

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about a joke falling flat in a Zoom meeting, humorous and self-deprecating.

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Commentary:
"When your jokes are so remote, they require a Wi-Fi booster! 🤣📶 #NotEvenRemotelyWitty"

attempt, awkwardness, comedy, even, failure, Funny, humor, humor attempt, i, joke, joke failure, meeting, nobody, online, online meeting, social, social awkwardness, today, told, workplace, Zoom, Zoom meeting

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Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate finishing a series that I enjoyed, because what now?

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

73 shares on Slack this month:

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

52 shares on Slack this month:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

21 shares on X this month:

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

52 shares on Threads this month:

Forrest Gump is a haunting film about how long you have to wait for a bus in America.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

I just found out I have to go on dates to get a boyfriend. I’m sick to my stomach.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Do you say “Excuse me” to your pet when you walk by them, or are you rude?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Fun prank: make people study for many years, and then don’t give them jobs.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

ADHD is when you buy a blender and then make smoothies every day for 2 weeks, and then never make one or even acknowledge your blender ever again.

Breaking via Reddit:

I think you’re like the cat’s meow, annoying yet sweet.

Trending via Snapchat:

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

Going viral on Instagram:

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

Breaking via X:

Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

Live now on Threads:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Trending via TikTok:

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

Breaking via Twitch:

I hope this email kills us both.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

Sometimes I wish I understood what some of you said and sometimes I am happy that I don’t.

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

Sometimes I wish I understood what some of you said and sometimes I am happy that I don’t.

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨