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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Losing a white tee to a stain is a different kind of grief.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

A girl was coming over till she wasn’t—that’s what happened.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

353 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,622

Funny Quotes Topics

17,673

Funny Quotes Images

15,622

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,728

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

Going bananas on Threads:

Just had a crazy revelation: you can eat in the airport after your flight, too.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

A person that weights 200 pounds on Earth weighs 76 pounds on Mars. So I’m not overweight, I’m on the wrong planet.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

Just landed via Reddit:

It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Freshly posted on X:

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

If you’re a guy and you’re struggling right now, just remember nobody cares, and it does get worse.

If you’re a guy and you’re struggling right now, just remember nobody cares, and it does get worse.
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Commentary:
Yep, just hang on tight and enjoy the "ride"! 🚀💔🤣

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Threads this month:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

The secret to being able to buy whatever you want is not wanting much.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

I got my superpowers when I was bitten by a radioactive idiot.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

32 shares on YouTube this month:

Have been dipping my toe into doing Pilates, and let me tell you, women are real sickos.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Behind every robot that turns evil is an engineer who specifically installed red LEDs into the eyes just for this scenario.

16 shares on Discord this month:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve found that the easiest way to do burpees is to just not do burpees. No pain, no pain.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

That song stuck in my head is “Don’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

God: “I used to work in mysterious ways but now I’m unemployed.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

353 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,622

Funny Quotes Topics

17,673

Funny Quotes Images

15,622

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,553

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

If I’m too much for you, then go and find less.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Gordon Ramsay is only funny because he’s not talking to me like that.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Live now on X:

My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

Going viral on X:

Netflix be like “we know exactly what movie you talkin’ ’bout but we ain’t got it lol”.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Trending via YouTube:

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Some people buy shoes to feel alive. I buy boarding passes.

Making waves on Telegram:

Talking to some people is like folding a fitted sheet.

Just landed via Telegram:

Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

Seen just now on YouTube:

The most important thing to remember when driving is that not everyone is smart.

Freshly posted on Slack:

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

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