It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

62 shares on Facebook this month:

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

33 shares on TikTok this month:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

Caught the bouquet at the funeral.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

25 shares on Slack this month:

It’s called shitposting, Your Honor. You should try it sometimes; it’s liberating.

69 shares on Threads this month:

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

38 shares on Discord this month:

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.